can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
