dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
