Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
