I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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