conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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