My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
