The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize