We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
