Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
