38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
