at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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