Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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