these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
