I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize