Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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