I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
