im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
