Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
