Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
