some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
