U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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