I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
