Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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