Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
