Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
