"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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