There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
