This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
