I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
