I want to have your abortion
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
