Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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