you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
