thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
