This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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