"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
