I heard we made out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
