wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
