There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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