I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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