Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
