why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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