Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
