last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
