it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
