Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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