I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
