you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
