so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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