I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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