She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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