couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
