ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
