i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just pee around me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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