Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
