there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
