saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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