i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
