Ketchup is God's man juice
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
