i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
