K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
