Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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