I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
