When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
