I wanna bring you to show and tell
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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