oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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