remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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