the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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