when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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