I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
