we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
