my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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