I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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