I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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