Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
