glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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