So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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