Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
