Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
