I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
