All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
