Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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