Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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