i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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