I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
