if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
