Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
