Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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