Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
