idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
