i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
