only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
